This week, we thought we'd have a little fun with the Carnival of Saving Money. Look for the blog links in the following financial jokes and quotes for the carnival submissions.
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but despite thousands of people who tried to beat the bartender, nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice,"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass, "I never waste anything". As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man,
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
* * *
"Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.
-- Donald Trump
"Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.
"I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money."
- Pablo Picasso
"Think it more satisfactory to live richly than die rich.
-Sir Thomas Browne
"Money, says the proverb, makes money. When you have got a little, it is often easy to get more."
"Waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality, nothing will do, and with them everything."
-- Benjamin Franklin
"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."
-- Bob Dylan
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
-- Steven Wright
"The budget should be balanced, the treasury should be refilled and the public debt should be reduced. The arrogance of public officialdom should be tempered and controlled. And the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest we become bankrupt."
-- Cicero, 63 B.C.