3. Tuesday, October 15, 2013 - 11:05 AM
I've been to the future, I've seen it -- and its not good:
There will be no one at the banks, no one to talk to to straighten out problems -- thanks to all the new technology. There will not even be any brick and mortar banks any more, only online accounts.
You will get no interest at all on any kind of bank account. But there will be monthly -- I mean weekly -- fees for maintaining your account.
You will have to pay a fee for everything, including for making deposits, for making withdrawals, even for simply logging into your account online. If after logging in you make a transfer from one account to another: another fee.
If you want a monthly statement, even as only electronic statements are offered, you will have to pay a fee.
If that monthly statement you now have to pay a fee for shows your account at $5 million less than it ought to be (that will be a small amount, thanks to the hyperinflation that got started with Janet Yellen way back in the good old days), and you have to send an e-mail to inquire where your money is, there will be a fee for sending that e-mail, and a second fee for looking into your account, and a third fee if you want them to respond to you, and a fourth fee if you want them to actually correct the mistake.
They will list a phone number for you to call, but since there is no one at the bank (see above), no one will ever answer, you will be on endless hold -- and of course, your account will be hit with a premium fee for that premium service, with an additional surcharge for every minute you stay on hold.
Even when you finally bite the bullet and give in to paying the fee to make a withdrawal, you will not actually get any money -- as you will have to do it online, and you can't get cash over the Internet (and they can't mail it to you, because the post office went out of business a long time ago). Ah, an ATM you say -- no, those were phased out after the bankers, who don't even have a job at the bank any more, realized people actually found they could go there and get cash. So they eliminated the ATM machines. A checking account to get it, you think? Well, you can open a checking account and order checks (that would be three fees, opening and ordering and the price of the checks), but you will never receive the checks because the post office went out of business (see above).
That is, once you give your money to the bank and pay the fee for that deposit, you will never actually get your money back even after you pay the fee to withdraw it. All you will get for paying your withdrawal fee is a transaction noted on your monthly statement, for which you will have to pay a fee to get, that says money has been withdrawn -- but you won't actually get any money in hand, it will simply be a notation on your statement.
In reality, once you deposit your money, you will never have use of it again, other than to pay more and more fees to the bank until it is all gone. Even electronic transfers to other banks, while they will be done, for a fee, will be pointless as those other banks will all have the same fee structure and no one working there either.
Wall Street will long ago have successfully lobbied to get Janet Yellen's picture on the $100 bill, and Ben Bernanke's on the $10,000 bill. But you will never see either, since your withdrawals at the bank get you nothing other than a notation on your monthly statement. Obama's picture will be put on a wooden nickel, as the fool who let those two run the show.
Sorry, I just woke up in my time zone. Hopefully, this was just a nightmare.