Featured Savings Rates

To: Me From

Anonymous   |     |   2,235 posts since 2010

To: Me

From: Bozo


Re: Secret Handshake


First, yes, a branch visit is required (how else to use the grip?). Second, you must mutter "bad rates, bad rates" under your breath nine times. Third, ask for the personal banker upon arrival. You will be directed to a person in a clown costume juggling ping-pong balls. He or she is your "personal banker". Keep muttering "bad rates, bad rates". Fourth, ask said clown for the rates hidden in his or her desk drawer for persons muttering "bad rates, bad rates." Shake said clown's hand using the secret grip of one finger inserted into the palm and the pinky finger curled, as if taking tea.


That's it. You get the secret rate.


Actually, it's simpler than that. Just go into the branch and whine and you'll prolly get the "unpublished" rates.


I got a 2 year at 2.5 a bit ago after my wife whined profusely in the Menlo Park branch. They asked her what it would take to keep her from fainting, and she said, "better rates".